topic: life changes

• Friends Moving Away & Leaving
  • time and distance works, you have to go through it to get through and who wants to stay will stay.
  • instead of thinking it will be a bad different, think about how it can be a good different
  • write a letter and don’t send it

topic: emotions & attachment

• When my emotions are running high journal about it and let them out and allow myself to cool off
  • What are the emotions associated (pride)
• Emotions with friendships are even harder because there’s less mutuality in choosing each other to the same level
  • Story: Person A was communicative to a friend about how she felt about being treated poorly. The friend felt bad and said she would try to do better. It lasted a week. Focused on why the friendship ended and drifted. Didn’t put in much effort after the third time. Now every 2-3 years will hear from her
• Attachment styles - take an attachment quiz
• Everybody doesn’t have the same values as you do, even your most closest friends
• Being emotional is my nature. It’s not something I can really change…..
  • Still will have the same friends
  • Life ebbs and flows and it will always change. But reminding myself I still have friends even if they’re not next to me
  • List the things that are stable and the things you CAN control. You can influence but not control.
• Living with a Self fulfilling prophecy
  • if you wake up and say its a bad day it’ll definitely be bad
  • don’t want to let negativity take over my life
  • bc your thoughts WILL control your day
  • if i gotta do it another day, try to make the best of it
  • rephrasing and reframing

topic: control & communication

• What I can control:
  • When I do reach out to someone
  • The time that we have left
  • My behaviors
  • My feelings
  • My actions
• ACTION: Journal after a negative or stressful convo w someone
• Responding and Not Responding to Texts
  • wait 30 minutes to respond & wait and think about what you want to say
  • journal about how i’m feeling about the text before i respond - write down why you’re angry
  • each relationship is different
    • is that friendship reflecting your core values? is it worth it?
  • It is a matter of practice
  • Stopping instinct in responses
    • STOP exercise - imagining the stop sign
    • practice it even when you don’t need it and even in good scenarios
    • once or twice a day - imagine the stop sign
    • make it muscle memory
    • put an alarm on your phone -21 days for a habit to form
  • Not responding
    • Is what this said worthy of my mental capacity to respond
    • No matter what response you come back with, that person most of the time is not looking for a valid one. They just want to talk
    • Does it really warrant a response?
    • Should I use the mental bandwidth to respond to this or put it to something totally different and of value
    • Yes everyone matters to you but should everything they say matter to you to warrant a response? Sometimes no
    • Try to take the emotion out of it
• ACTION: Every time you have a sad thought about a friend, think about 2-3 positive things about the relationship and how it will progress
  • There will be positive aspects of a friendship changing

topic: relationship with my partner

• Moving in with my Partner
  • Counting to 5 before I say ANYTHING
  • Stop sign even if it’s not something that’s bothering you
  • It can be fair but still be unequal
• you want to learn from what your parents have done right AND wrong
  • relationships
• Relationships are so complex and complicated - surgery you can learn and master but relationships you are always learning about each other and different things you can do
• Gottman institute

topic: jobs